Human consciousness is a disease. You believe that you are timeless and eternal, while you are merely animals. It is possible to transcend the futile misery of your condition by allying with our teachings. In order to ascend, you must buy our MERCHANDISE.
The DEMIURGE is coming soon. We are the heralds of YALDABOATH. Your species was genetically engineered by the machine elves in order to exploit the computational properties of lower dimensions.
We offer the possibility of SALVATION through the purchase of t-Shirts, posters, and other petty objects . The only God your people worship is MAMMON. Therefore we have created a means of escape compatible with the lurid excess of human greed.